高欣然, aka. Summer

I don't mean any complaint,

but dear, why are my days so dull?

     I’ve been working for two months and recently not a day goes by that I don’t ask myself what the career that matches my nature and interests is. Now it seems a bit late to think about this question that should have been figured out during the past four years. I regret fooling around and am feeling the urge to find my grip, because I don’t want my career to be a failure after another four years.

     David had a talk with me a week before he left BTC, and my determination of becoming a public school teacher began to waver after that. He warned me of the tremendous difficulty to deal with kids as well as to deal with teachers who teach better and moreover, worse than me. But a public school teacher is a comparatively independent and stable career, as he said, that suits me… Of course, I know that there’s another tremendous difficulty that he chose not to remind me of - that’s how to get in a public school. Thus, this is partly why I am so losing grip.

     Another reason that causes my confusion is that I’m not content with my current job, or should I say I’m actually not content with how I perform at my work. I’m not interested in what I’m working on, so I just can’t put my heart in it. Because I can not do it well, it frustrates me more so that I can only make it worse. I feel awkward and stupid to deal with things that have hardly anything to do with my major, because I feel like I’m no different from, or even no better than a high-school graduate who can handle the job. Why is it that I studied hard for four years and now I let all those knowledge become fading memories? I’m confused.

     However, I’m still there. They are nice to me and there are still some fun and a lot for me to learn after all. I also know that there are thousands more difficulties to cope with in other careers or another job search.

     What is the career that matches my nature indeed? A translator, a teacher, an assistant, a journalist or else? All I’m expecting is a career where I can use English, but all I need to do now is to calm down, hold on and cheer up till I find my grip again.

     早上醒来，天气晴朗。经过昨晚，想通了许多。
     从今天开始，不再逼自己找工作，不委屈自己做不喜欢的工作。何必对自己如此苛刻，把自己弄得像个可怜虫，更何况我不为五斗米折腰。就让求职大军的洪流滚滚东去吧，我不想在里面被搅的遍体鳞伤，也没这必要。我相信在岸上有更好的风景。
     从今天开始，对自己好点，做自己想做的事。和我有一样感受的人，欢迎找我散心。

激动人心的日子啊！！！

多年的梦想！！！

难以言尽！！

感谢主！

接着，我甜甜地睡了